Three years

It is impossible to say what this means.....one lesson has been that three years of caregiving, not to mention 11, is as alien to other people as an itinerary of North Uzbekistan. Where does one start. Who cares? So this evening, when I ran upstairs for a "toast" to me halfway through dinner, nothing happened. That was the point. Here is what I wrote to my sister and her family shortly afterwards:

"Well, I had some, ahem, "prepared remarks," but the opportunity passed at the dinner table. So just let me tell you.....

from this early morning, driving for coffee, I realized I was not feeling celebratory, or even self-congratulatory. I looked at Sleeping Lady, and thought, there is a lot to be thankful for, though, so today should be about being grateful. First, my biggest thank-you is for your generosity. It is something astounding that I think about very often. Then, I thought how lucky I am to be in the middle of such a beautiful place. Nothing is ugly here. I thought about the family I can be part of for awhile. Of course, I am thankful for Mother, but then I have been for a very long time. It is just more intense now, seeing her smile first thing on going in to her room for waking-up. She once put a big Miss Piggy decal on a present she sent me, and I framed it, and still have it in a box in storage: "Smile, it helps you get your way." But Mom smiles because she is happy, and because she is glad for the new day, and for the people caring for her. So was I, today.

So thank you. I have done much less than you have these years, and I know it."

I could write pages about all this one single day means and how it is to live it. But what for?

However, another thought has come to me all day. MGF gave me a week at Manoa Valley Inn, and a dinner at the King's St. Alan Wong's in Hawaii between Japan and here three years ago. I remember every minute as if it were yesterday. I feel thankful. That week, and my three days at the Hilton in January, are my breaks for the last four years. Thank you, MGF.

Tomorrow Year 4 begins. August 1, Year 12 begins for everyone else in the household.

trivial diversion for the post: did you know:
Alaska--The name for the 49th state comes from the Native Aleut language and the name was Alaxsxaq. The Russians simplified it to Alyaska (The Great Land) and the Americans reduced it to Alaska. The Aleut word for their homeland literally means "where the sea waves break upon themselves."