Onward!

Realized, when an email came addressed to "Onward Kay," that my sign-off had become second nature. When reading Anne Perry's Christmas trilogy, found "Forward regardless." Aha, I'm on to something. And I have my last word all ready.

"Onward" has thorny patches . . . coming to it, resolving a few issues, finding a tad of balance--these are good, right? But they mean accepting what was resisted, and resisted with good reason. ID loss, alien culture, no interest in "me"--resisting these seems good. But to balance, they have to be accepted, and "onward" has to take effect.

It is being an expat all over again. Culture shock is partly resisting ID loss; dealing with alien, unaccepting culture; mental dislocation; fight to assert the Big Self. So, say you become a successful expat, you become a real part of the new culture, and moreover, you are successful there. And happy. It takes a chameleon. This is good. But what is the chameleon's base? Neutral; transparent? No color?

Returning "home" is just another expat experience. Same ID loss, same alien culture (except this one looks frightenly familiar), same mental dislocation, same fight to Be Me.

Yeah, there are people who seem to move effortlessly and successfully in and out of multiple cultures. Are they masking something? Do they have a secret? Or are they masking something?

Rule of thumb says re-entry takes a year for every 5 abroad--well, I am halfway through and it ain't effortless yet. The Big Re-entry is upon me--going back into the new world alone. New expat time....