"Profound Transition"

Six months since I wrote in this blog. From September '07 til now things were in an emotional and physical tornado with Mother's passing the change in my life and the Not Knowing What I Am Going To Do.

I feel pretty bad this morning, and hope it has nothing to do with MSG or spices from my dinner out. No upset tummy or anything like that. I did finally get some sleep yesterday afternoon, and pretty well in the early hours today (2-4 a.m. kind of a loss)...so was expecting to leap out of bed, go for a walk and be back in business. I feel really tired and lethargic and not very well. I think I still need a LOT of rest. Driving around a lot yesterday in the heat was hard. This seems to be a pattern--I can go-go-go one day, then the next I am so tired --I'm driving to Kailua this afternoon to see the "psychic", maybe I am also apprehensive about that....the little horoscope calendar Caitlin sent me says for today: Whether you know it or not, you're going through a profound transition that affects both your relationships and your self-expression. Pay attention. There are potential breakthroughs around every corner."

That could be it, too, I do feel like (and horoscopes have been indicating for the last month) that something is shifting. I'd best go with the flow and listen to my body and mind. After my session with Nancy this afternoon, I do hope to make it to Kailua Beach which is one of the best in the world, fine powdery sand and blue waters. Will rest up to manage that.

Waiting Heart Emerges?

Can it be? For two weeks now it seems I am me again. How? "The Waiting Heart" that MGF sent me 6 months ago seems to have borne fruit. The butterfly emerging from the chrysalis after two years for Kidd looks like it is finally flying about for me after 3 years of darkness and 9 months of Inner Work . . . why else have I always put the Callas "Madama Butterfly" on the car radio when going in to Anchorage for these last weeks? I never put the inner work and gravitating-in-daily-life to that music together til just now. After a long slog of listening to tapes for my spirit stuck in the tiny pit of the dark well (list of tapes/podcasts follows) all of which appeared to me as if by magic, one by one, came a physical treatment = going to a "canny" Scottish foot reflexologist (who reads!), getting off the blood pressure medicine Diovan, discovering the Bach flower essences, and walking in the very early mornings again. Like the lifting of April 22nd, the new discovery of me July 29th was just something that I noticed---aha! today is different. Two weeks of its unchanging state is enough for me to declare it without fearing a jinx......stay tuned!

Macbook all better...NOT

My Macbook got sick with Random Shutdown Syndrome and kernel panic, and had to go to the repair shop for a new logic board.

For the first time since 1982 I was without a computer--for a week! It was surreal, like being in another dimension. When my Macbook came back, I gave it a big hug! Then I started catching up.

ONE WEEK later, new logic board (no serial number) and ANOTHER RSS later, an hour on the phone with AppleCare, learning I need to do a clean install (the very idea gives me hives) I am not such a happy Apple camper....stay tuned.......

Kinko's tanked on a scan, too--what is it with these top-of-the-line-but-F%#*-the-customer companies???

Fennel Candy

Found candy-coated fennel seeds while taking my beloved Japanese system Dynabook (Windows Me!) to the recylcing center. Great by-product. Now to continue with these sorts of goodies.....I know there is a store in Manhattan, but I didn't bookmark it!

I keep these in a brown paper bag in the closet, but find myself opening the closet and the paper bag for just one more handful.....

African Violet Success

The African Violet has eight flowers! Two more on the way. What a giant, happy success!

African violet petals have a shimmery sheen, like a light layer of glitter has been sprinkled on them—at least the white petals do. On the windowsill they sparkle!

My Great Success

This African violet has been all leaves since it came here in bloom five years ago. I got "how-to" from the 80+ year old friend Mother used to visit with and is now learning computers with my sister (she care for her Alzheimer's husband until he died years ago). So I feel like I have accomplished something recently!

Spring blues

"A paradise of flowers in a violent world and a person is darned lucky who only has the blues and you know that's so."
Garrison Keller, on Salon.com about Iraq

Yep---my itty bitty spring blues pale.......

I live in a place that sends whole battalions of 18-23-year-olds to Irag on a regular basis and schedules funerals on an equally regular basis--gives a more immediate perspective to the news and the blues.

Riverbend, the pseudonym of a young Iraqi woman who blogs from Baghdad tells what we don't read in the paper.

Yep, the basements of the world hold a lot more than a paltry set of the blues.